Supporting Your Child Through the College Planning and Admissions Process
Navigating the college admissions process can feel like a high-stakes journey for students and parents. While your child is at the heart of this experience, it is also a challenging time for parents. You may be experiencing conflicting emotions about your child leaving home soon, excitement for what college has in store for them, and anxiety about how much the process has changed since you were in high school. Though these feelings are natural, keeping them in check is helpful so that they do not add stress to the college admissions process for you and your child. Here’s a guide to assist you in walking this path with confidence and care.
1. Choose Your Words Wisely
Keeping your language positive and open helps you remain a supportive sounding board throughout your student’s journey. Celebrating small milestones along the way keeps momentum and buoys energy. Remember that your comments about any college matter. As Dartmouth College’s Vice President and Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid Lee Coffin stated on a recent podcast, “Students are feeding off their parents’ vibe, so it’s a good reminder that nothing goes unnoticed.” Your child’s college list is personal and evolving; what might seem like a casual observation to you could later feel like criticism when they’re celebrating their acceptance.
2. Establish One Dedicated College Day Per Week
Creating a routine—say, a weekly dinner or meeting where you and your student discuss the college planning process—aids in establishing clear boundaries. Your child can share updates, ask questions, and plan the next steps without feeling overwhelmed by constant reminders on other days. Reserve the rest of the week for your family’s regular life, only breaking the routine when there are time-sensitive logistics like test registrations or campus visit plans. This approach is useful in maintaining balance and prevents college topics from seeping into every conversation.
3. Let Your Child Take the Lead
It’s natural to be invested in your child’s success, but remember, this is their journey, not yours. Encourage them to own the process by letting them make decisions and set the pace. Instead of saying, “We are applying,” allow your child to own their process by framing it as “Sally is applying.” This shift reinforces their independence and keeps you in a supportive background role. Open a dialogue by asking, “How can I best support you?” Such an approach reinforces their leadership and invites them to share their needs, whether by providing gentle reminders about deadlines or researching schools.
4. If Your Child Doesn’t Take the Lead
If your child seems stuck or unmotivated, check in gently. Are they overwhelmed, unsure of where to start, or afraid of making the wrong move? Begin by suggesting small, manageable steps to build confidence, like setting up a timeline or choosing one task to tackle first. An executive function coach can be a great resource if your student struggles with organization or follow-through. Taking them to a college campus can make it all feel more tangible and exciting. Consider bringing in an independent college counselor if your support feels too close for comfort. Sometimes, a neutral voice can help your student gain structure, clarity, and momentum while you stay in the supportive background where they need you most.
5. Celebrate Their Unique Journey and Filter Out the Noise
Every student and journey is different. Filter out the noise by resisting the urge to compare their experience to siblings or classmates and instead help them find reliable sources of information. Embrace each child’s unique strengths and interests and encourage them to pursue their passions. Advise them to seek guidance and data from school counselors or official college websites, as a focused, data-driven approach can avoid the unnecessary anxiety that can come from comparing numbers without context.
6. Talk Dollars and Cents Early
Finances are a critical part of college list-building, and discussing any limitations openly—ideally in or before junior year—can save your family heartache later on after your student is admitted to a school they love that is unaffordable. Use tools like the net price calculator available on college websites to get a realistic sense of what tuition, room and board, and other expenses might cost.
7. Encourage Self-Advocacy
The college planning and admissions process is as much about personal growth as getting into x or y college. Assist your child in building confidence in their ability to manage the process by teaching them to ask questions and seek clarity from school counselors, college representatives, and trusted mentors. By learning to advocate for themselves, they’ll be better prepared to make decisions that reflect their interests and goals and succeed once at college without you there—whether seeking help from professors or navigating other academic and personal issues.
Do you have questions about how to best support your student?
Supporting your child through college admissions is about balance: providing guidance without overshadowing their independence, being informed without overwhelming them with data, and choosing positive words. Celebrating their unique journey can create an environment where your child feels supported and empowered. Feel free to contact me with any questions about how you can best support your student or any other part of the college planning process.
